You Are Not Alone

being able to survive

I write to let other women know they are not alone. And sometimes I write on my good days and sometimes I write on my bad days. Lately, it seems like a lot of bad days. I think about whether I need to be in therapy or not. (Please, I always suggest that you consult with a therapist and/or medical doctor) My dr says I have PTSD and I need a therapist. Frankly, even with insurance, I cannot afford it right now. Thanks to the sociopath/narcissist, I lost so many clients and referrals, I cannot afford things anymore. (Thanks, dude!!!)

I know I need to secure more work but somehow I have lost the initiative totally to move my ass and do what needs to be done. And it’s been several years since the narcissist/sociopath, so when do we EVER get over it? When does our drive come back? Maybe it’s about discipline, pushing ourselves, making lists. I am not sure. Maybe it is about therapy. I am not sure anymore. I did therapy. What will they say that will help? I had a male therapist before the female one (she was an angel from God) and the male therapist responded in an email that “most men are narcissists and you are an addict and until you’re read to help yourself………..”    WHAT???? Are you kidding me? I do NOT want to discourage anyone from going to therapy, please GO. I am not a therapist. I am just a fellow survivor.  (And I am not an “addict”, this man was speaking through is own filters after being single for many, many years……….. telling me I was an addict to men. Spare me.) (Please GO to a therapist if you feel you need it. I just share my experiences which were not always good……….but PLEASE if you need help, SEEK IT.)

Right now, with the bills piling up, work is lagging and no new clients are showing up………I’m thinking of moving to another state…….. seriously. For real. Start over. But fortunately, I have grown kids who don’t really need me anymore.  So, for me, these things are an option.

So, I’m not sure what my point was when I started this blog. But if I have reminded anyone that you are NOT ALONE. If have reminded anyone that all this bizarre shit that other people don’t understand is part of what goes on during and in the aftermath of narcissist/sociopathic relationship then I’ve done my job. I went through a horrible divorce years ago and the aftermath is NOTHING in comparison to this. Nearly every day, I have to stop and remind myself, “Wow, I am really NOT an asshole.”  That gives you the scope of understanding of what they do to you.

I keep pushing forward, baby steps at a time. (Not quite as fast as I’d like!)  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Reach out to those who DO care about you. Keep trying. Make plans for the future. Make goals. Make plans to meet up with friends. Join groups that you have similar interests with. Join an exercise class. Go for walks. Get out of the house. Talk with people. Reconnect with old friends. Volunteer. You never know what awaits you around the next corner. Expect miracles and amazing opportunities and people to show up.

There really are great people in the Universe, people who have a caring compassionate heart. There are good opportunities with people who will value your worth instead of belittle it or find it threatening. Keep on keeping on. I say that even on the days that I have a hard time keeping on keeping on.

I recently mediated and a message came to me and what it said was this……..”You cannot change the past. You cannot change what other people did to you. You cannot change who other people are or what they think. You cannot change other people’s actions. So you MUST accept and MOVE ON.” …………………….. That means even if there is nothing left, no friends, very little work, nothing………you cannot change it…………you must CHOOSE to move on.

So make your lists. Set your alarm clock. Get out of bed. Get dressed. Make a routine. Keep on putting one foot in front of the other and go forward, inch by microscopic inch, go forward. Eventually we will arrive at a place that is even more than Ok, it’s true happiness.

a work in progress and with much love,

Olivia

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Journey-of-Olivia-Rose/1632375906981319?ref=hl

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4 thoughts on “You Are Not Alone

  1. Good post Honey. I went thru this devastation mess myself several years ago. I’m fine now, but it’s not easy! There’s some mental health centers out there that are sliding scale income based in their fees. Yup, take baby steps…one at a time…sometimes its one step forward, and two back.

    When I was suddenly and cruelly dumped by my psycho boy, something deep in my core being got up off the floor and went swinging right back at him. I didn’t really feel like it because of the devastation, but I wasn’t about to let him see me cry, and give him the satisfaction! I’m a hard core survivor! Here’s what I did!

    Even when I was most down and depressed, I made a vow to myself with my fists clenched…”I’m gonna get thru this, and be better than ever!” I growled in determination! No man gets the best of me! LOL.

    So, first thing, I allowed myself a 10 minute cry. Then, I went out for a hot fudge sundae to console myself. Then I went to the local athletic center for a hard, vigorous 30 minute swim workout, and I poured myself into it. It was also nice that in the pool, nobody could see the tears in my eyes!

    Next, I got myself a notebook to journal everything I was feeling. Soon I was scouring the net looking for info wondering what happened to me. Then I started blogging my experience! Big surprise huh? But it’s great therapy if I do say so myself!

    I joined several mental health recovery forums with other like minded people, made new friends, met other bloggers, and I found other lost souls struggling like I was! That helps a lot when others can validate your experience! Fortunately, for me, they were willing to be patient with me while I worked thru the pain and anger!

    I’m happy to that time is your biggest ally – it takes as long as it takes! Sometimes, you just have to be patient with yourself as you work thru the pain toward recovery. It does get better. As time goes on, almost without realizing it, you start to resume the best parts of your old life as you cultivate new ones!

    I know it hurts, and it sears the soul, but eventually, if you want it it to, it does get better! One day, you start to realize that the ex is becoming just a faded memory as your health and well-being returns better than ever! You realize that you are now a STRONGER person for what you went thru. You don’t forget, but healing is possible and you have finally made it to the other side!

    Love to all!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! And yes, it’s amazing when you realize you’ve made it to the other side. It’s been quite the journey and still very much so but you get to the point where you start to see opportunities from disasters (such as being ostracized and your career hurt very badly). You realize how strong you are. You start to become very empowered and then you’re able to empower others. I love the person I have become! (Even though occasionally I still have my days….) It’s a process.

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  2. What a dreadful therapists, I too get most men are narcissistic get over it from a lot of people. Most of those people are horrifically dysfunctional. I don’t deal with men beyond the business transactions in a store. I don’t want to date, I do not date, so you see the same therapist would have a problem with my “lack” of addiction to men and tell me to get over it and see more men because when you show you don’t need them, it puts a lot of people off. That is not my issue, it’s theirs. Your therapist was projecting and feels entitled to be narcissistic. It is hard to find someone to help you, I have yet to do so thus I make lists and keep on going through the motions when I have no drive left. Drive for what? To be skinny for men? Not needed. To make tons of money? I found out you can live on less. You gain a perceptive with traumatic stress that trivializes the narcissistic, the Kim Kardashians are not so intriguing and you move beyond it. So there are plus sides and perhaps that therapist knew you would see through him as well and performed the discard through his behavior first. Great post, I can totally relate.

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  3. Absolutely. I have found that being involved with a narcissist/sociopath also makes you instantly aware and intolerant of any kind of BS. There is just no place for it in my world anymore. You also become very very aware of any kind of red flags. You see the world through different eyes but maybe it’s not such a bad thing. We come to realize that not everyone is good or has our best interests at heart. At the same time, I love the person I have become and I realize how very strong I am. (Even though we all have our bad moments/days.) I have realized how much I could live without (friends, finances) because I was forced to by this “man” who professed to “love” me so much. When you realize you can survive and you do, you become very empowered and you never, ever will allow it in your life ever again.

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