Being in a relationship with a narcissist/sociopath changes you. I’d like to think that after all the deception, pain and betrayal that you change for the better.
One thing I know for sure is that you lose your tolerance for bullshit. You begin to recognize it instantly and you realize that you’ve been there, done that and that there is no room for it in your life anymore. You have boundaries that you never had before. And this is a GOOD thing.
Some people will try to tell you that you’re too “sensitive” or you need to “lighten up” or “let it go” and, if you notice, those are the SAME people who want to continue to tread on your newly found boundaries. And they want to get away with it. So your voice and your intolerance to being their door mat is something they don’t really like. (Ha. That’s putting it mildly.)
I have come to realize that I DESERVE to be treated with respect, courtesy and dignity. It doesn’t matter if someone agrees with me OR NOT. It’s about manners. And too many people lack manners at all today. I don’t care if you don’t understand the pain that I am feeling. It doesn’t matter to me whether you care or understand what’s going on in my life (such as when a death occurs). I don’t care. I expect to be treated with respect regardless of how you see the situation or how you feel about it.
When someone experiences a great loss, such as a death, we use manners. Responses such as “Bummer” or “Let’s go have a drink and start a happy new week” or silence (ignoring the situation) are no longer acceptable to me. I expect to be heard and acknowledged. This means “I am sorry for your loss” (or something very similar) is an acceptable response. I don’t really think that’s too much to ask. Of anyone. It’s not that hard.
Now, if that makes me a bitch, then so be it. If a person does not display common courtesy and respect, then they don’t need to be in my space. So maybe their response of “bummer” is actually a gift to show me who they really are and how concerned they really are. People who openly act like assholes are much easier to weed out of your life.
Some may argue that some people “just don’t know what to say” and this is true. How do you respond to someone who has just had not one, but three, major losses? There is nothing to say. I know that. So you say, “I’m sorry.” You might throw in, “My love and prayers are with you.” But to say something like “Bummer”? Nope, sorry, unacceptable. Unless of course the person saying it has some kind of documented brain injury or a mentally incapacitating illness.
Hold tight to your boundaries. The narcissist/sociopathic relationship taught you what is not acceptable and what you will never tolerate ever again.
You deserved to be recognized. You have a right to have your feelings. You have a right to express them.
You do NOT deserve to be dismissed. You do not deserve to be ignored.
The narcissist/sociopath tried to teach you that you do not deserve to be treated with respect. They tried to teach you that you do not deserve to be heard. They tried to teach you that your feelings do not matter.
You do matter. Your feelings do matter. You do have the right to be heard. You do have the right to be treated with the utmost respect, by everyone that you come into contact with. And it is a given that you will come into contact with those who have no respect, no compassion, no time to hear you. And that’s OK, it’s their issue not yours. So just keep walking and don’t look back.
Olivia Rose https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Journey-of-Olivia-Rose/1632375906981319?ref=hl