Catharsis

I have quite a bit of Post Traumatic Stress from an abusive marriage many years ago and a more recent abusive relationship with a Narcissist. I’ve been wanting to write for a long time. I wasn’t sure if writing would stir up the PTSD but I really have felt compelled to write and share my story. Although I am a long way from being healed, part of the journey has been reading blogs and Facebook pages and books that tell other women’s stories…..and just knowing I am not alone has been huge. I have found (so far) to my surprise that writing seems to lift the fog and depression and actually makes me feel better. Perhaps it is like a catharsis, especially when I’ve become very sensitive to saying anything to most people because I actually get a “get over it already” in response. (Maybe I should re-evaluate why these people are in my life, because I would never dream of telling anyone to “get over it” no matter how absurd I thought their issue was.)

One of the more troublesome aspects of recovery has been the feeling of absolute overwhelment when it has come to getting anything done. Thankfully, I have still been able to work and do my job well but everything else has been difficult…..from making phone calls to cleaning the house. I don’t have people over because the house is in such total disarray. I seem to just want to sit and stare at Facebook or sit and stare outside or take a nap. I’ve become aware that I at least need to start exercising. (So that my muscles don’t atrophy?)  And I do know that exercise is a really good remedy for depression (scientifically proven) as is the Vitamin D.  I’ve also read that making a routine is very good. With the type of work that I do, I don’t always have a set routine so things like sleeping too much becomes too easy. Like I mentioned in an earlier blog, I did just start antidepressants and while I am not big on “pills”, I felt that, for me, it was time.

I am on Facebook if anyone would like to connect with me. We need all the support we can get.

Peace and love,

Olivia                https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008896532578

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2 thoughts on “Catharsis

  1. Your writing touches my heart. I identify with your feelings and words. I ordinarily don’t comment on these blogs because quite frankly, I think my “N/S/P” might well stalk me and have access to my computer. Who knows with these folks? I journal privately. I have been studying these evil folks for about 3 years now. Like you, I’ve read many books, probably every book published on the subject. And I’ve read untold numbers of forums and blogs. I say these people are just “evil”. Demonic oppression. Have you any Christian background? What they do is exactly what is described in scripture as the work of the devil and his minions. Exactly. They seek to destroy and they do a darn good job of it. But you can survive. It will take time. It will take a river of tears. It will take NO CONTACT EVER AGAIN. You will rediscover yourself. You were probably targeted because of your beautiful spirit and empathy and kindness. You have not lost that, it has just been beat up a bit. After an encounter with these evil people, we lose our innocence and naiveté forevermore. We will never quite trust others like we once did. We are forever changed. But it can become a good change over time. It takes more time than we think it should, but an encounter with evil is no fleeting thing. Big hug….

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    1. I agree with everything you said. I do have Christian background and I do believe that there is an element of darkness in these kinds of people if you look at it from a spiritual perspective rather than the traditional psychological perspective. It does change us forever, but the upside of that is that we are unlikely to ever allow it in our lives again. We see the “red flags” instantly and we RUN!! I also understand about your reluctance to speak in any public forum about the abuse that you’ve endured. I have gone to great lengths to protect myself as well. When I was with my abuser, I suspect that he was able to know what I wrote using his computer (key stroke counter or something they call it?) when I joined my first on-line support group, I received an instant email from him and he was positively apeshit about how I had “slandered” him. I do not know how he found me there. So I understand your need to be safe and confidential. If you would like to contact me privately, I am at Olivia.Rose2015@yahoo.com . Many blessings on your journey.

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